I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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