At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
