If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
