i was born a porn star she said
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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