I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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