After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
