It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Brb crying the tears of my youth
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
