Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When are your genitals available?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
