My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
