Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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