redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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