2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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