so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
