Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
