She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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