So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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