I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The adults are the big ones right?
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