I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
