How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
