Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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