Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
