Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
