Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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