apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
