worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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