If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
