His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
