Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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