I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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