In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i out mim tonsoeep
PANTIES FOUND
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
