who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
