JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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