Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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