Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
