Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
