why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
