Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
