I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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