I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
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I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30