Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize