Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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