Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Houston, we have a blender
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You ruined the universe
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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