If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
