I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
