soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
