I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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