then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
