Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
