remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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