If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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