we're blogging at a bar
okay pat passed out under dana's car
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
