Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
