By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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