if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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