definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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