ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
