Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Two words: blizzard sex
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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