remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
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