Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
