what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
