She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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