yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
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He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
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How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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