i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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