if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
