is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
